The Snowpocalypse is upon us.

It is true. The DC Metro Area is being slammed by what’s dubbed the largest snow storm since 1996 with an estimated 24 inches of snow and white out conditions. Virginia has been put in a state of emergency and the general public is reacting accordingly. If grocery stores are any indication of public perception, I think it safe to say there is a high probability we shall all perish in the coming of this second ice age.

I made it to the grocery store yesterday at around 12:00 when it was nice and calm. I was able to procure all needed ingredients to make chicken enchiladas and chocolate sticky buns. There were plenty of shoppers at the store, but people were calm and collected, polite and not aggressive. It is my understanding things began to deteriorate soon after. Based on accounts I’ve received from both roommates and KP, come 5:00 the grocery stores turn into a very scary place…a scary place with very nicely dressed working professionals. Don’t be deceived by their classy business suits and heels, I’m told these people can be vicious. I had a firsthand account of a fight breaking out in the Harris Teeter parking lot last night.

Fortunately, being a student has its perks. Namely, I can choose when I go to the grocery store. Case in point: this morning, I decided that should I be trapped in the house for 5 days, there were a few more necessities I should purchase. That is, a bottle of wine and a bag of coffee. I can ride out a lot given those two items. When I entered the store, it was not exactly the disaster zone I had envisioned: the meat, eggs, and milk were gone but most non-perishables were still well stocked.

It occurred to me that growing up on the Gulf Coast, I have a certain expectation for disaster preparedness. Our three big natural disaster threats were (1) hurricane (2) tornado and (3) flood. With a flood, just head for high ground and pray your house is unscathed. With a tornado, it’s really only time to panic when you see the funnel cloud descending on your home. Should that happen, either jump in the tub and pull your mattress over you or hide in an interior closet and hope you don’t end up in munchkin land. The hurricane, however, has the most elaborate measures of the three and has shaped my idea of how to properly prepare oneself for certain death.

Standard hurricane procedures are as follows:

1. Drive to the nearest gas station, wait in a ridiculously long line, yell at as many people as possible, and then overpay for your tank of gas. Proceed to step two.

2. Make your way to a grocery store (anyone will do at this point – remember, it’s an emergency). Theoretically, you will buy batteries, charcoal, dry ice, bottled water, canned goods and other non-perishables. In reality, you will buy whatever you can find, which may or may not include the last can of Wolf Brand Chili, large cases of beer, as many liters of Coke you can fit in your cart, and perhaps toilet paper for good measure.

3. You will return home to board up your windows. If you do not have boards, you have to go to the scary place known as Lowes/Home Depot to purchase boards and maybe pick up a generator and a tank of propane while you are at it (that is, if they are still in stock and you happen to be an alpha male who can manage to commandeer said items in a panicked crowd).

4. Man the fort: fill up all bathtubs full of water and any additional buckets/jugs you can muster. Make sure candles, matches, and flashlights are easily accessible.

5. Sit with your family/roommates, watch the news about the storm hitting and have a battery powered radio at the ready for when the power goes out.

Given that these steps are all I know, I keep fighting the urge to fill the bathtub and buy things like dry ice. I don’t have the system down where blizzards are concerned, and I don’t know what all preparation for being snowed in entails. I suppose it’s something I’ll learn soon enough.

Pictures of the snowpocalypse to follow.